|
The American presidential election is coming up, and it has exactly one candidate who is interested in the idea of keeping oxygen available to Americans. “Oxygen?” you ask. “Isn’t that that crazy stuff that only democrats need to live?” Funny you should ask, because no it’s not.
It turns out that oxygen is some pretty whacky stuff. And it’s not just for democrats anymore! All kinds of people can breathe oxygen. In fact, they need to in order to stay alive. They even need to breathe it every day, multiple times a day. I know, my mind was blown too. I know what you’re thinking: “this sounds like a hoax”. I thought so too at first! But it turns out that everything from a first grade science textbook to accidentally covering your face with Saran Wrap confirms that you do, indeed, need oxygen to live. Current president Donald Trump does not believe in climate change, which is such an interesting thing to ask a president if he “believes” in. Despite his disbelief in it, it exists. Without action, it will make the planet inhospitable to human life. Now here’s another fun fact for you: if the planet is inhospitable to human life, everyone will die! At the current rate, we have about 7 and a half years until the Earth’s carbon budget is depleted. I know, I know, “Carbon! Isn’t that just something from the periodic table that we don’t really have to care about?” Sort of. But in another sense, you super have to care about it because it will kill you and your whole family. It will also kill the people you don’t like, though, and based on the way some of you vote, that upside might be worth it for you! Anyway, if you decide that you do in fact need oxygen to live and think it would be cool to still have some, we will need a President that believes in climate change and wants to take action accordingly. “But there are more than two presidential candidates!” you say with a wink. And there sort of are. But even though libertarians are into legalized weed and anti-war, they’re not all hippie dippie love fest. They believe that complete unfettered capitalism is the solution to all problems, including the environment, but anyone who has taken an economics class, or been to a store, or met another person knows that this clearly is not true. Which leaves us with Joe Biden. Are you someone who needs oxygen to live? You should think about voting for Joe Biden. It may surprise you to learn, but here are some groups who do indeed need oxygen to live:
I know, you might have been surprised to see yourself on this list! But if you’re on there, you might think about voting for Joe Biden so that you can have oxygen and live. You need oxygen to do all kinds of things! Want to take away people’s rights? Can’t do it without oxygen. Is it super-important to you to help very wealthy people stay wealthy at the expense of public stability? Oxygen can help you reach your goals. Would you like to oppress other people and yourself to keep healthcare profits high and remain the only developed country on Earth where emergency healthcare can bankrupt you and your family? I got you pal. But you can’t do it without oxygen! I hope you enjoyed this crazy science journey! It turns out that literally no matter who you are, if you are a person of voting age in the United States, it is in your best interest to vote for Joe Biden so that you can keep breathing air and staying alive, even if it means those pesky poor poor people also get to stay alive and breathe some of the air for which you worked so hard. |
Hi, I'm Jane."Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." Said Thoreau. But he hung out in the woods and jail. Archives
November 2021
Categories
|
RSS Feed
