I am shocked that billionaires aren't saving the Amazon.

Remember when Notre Dame was on fire and a bunch of billionaires pledged more money than I’ll ever have to put it out? I am completely shocked that those same billionaires aren’t showing up now to save the Amazon Rainforest.

First of all, those dudes definitely came through with that money that they promised for a French church. They certainly didn’t just promise that money on television because doing so made them look like good guys, but then totally not give the money when it came time to actually give it. Billionaires would never do that. If there’s one thing I know about dudes with a billion dollars, it’s that they got it by caring a lot about charity and being awesome at giving away money.

That’s why I’m so surprised that they haven’t been jumping at the chance to save the Amazon Rainforest from the massive fires that are consuming it at an alarming rate. I am completely sure that the photos of a black, smoldering sky over Sao Paulo go straight to their hearts and make them fear for the health and safety of the people living there. If billionaires are known for anything other than their love of giving away money, it’s their concern for people who have fewer resources and less economic power than they do. Especially when those people live in the Southern hemisphere. Those are the kind of people billionaires care about most!

Also, I was sure they would be super-eager to help the Amazon Rainforest because this is literally the first time ever that the environment has ever been in trouble. Up until now, no widespread, massive environmental destruction has ever happened to the Earth - if it had, I’m sure billionaires would have rushed in to fix it! So it seems to me that they would obviously want to put out these fires in the Amazon, as this is the first opportunity they’ve had to demonstrate that they care about the environmental devastation happening at an alarming, unsustainable rate. Now that the Earth is in danger, of course they will want to help! I’m sure of this not only because of the deep empathy for wildlife that is necessary to become a billionaire, but because of their obvious understanding that even billionaires need breathable air and drinkable water to live - surely we can’t imagine that they would value personal wealth over even those things? That would be crazy!

If I’m sure of one thing, is that if twenty-six individual people had as much wealth half the Earth’s population, or 3.26 billion people, those people would be nothing but devoted to making a positive impact on the Earth with their immense power. That’s how you become a billionaire in the first place! By putting others first! It’s why it tells us so much about what a good person you are.

After all, the world’s richest made has made his fortune from a company called Amazon. It’s even got the same name! Of course he’ll fix it! I can’t think of a single thing I know about billionaires that doesn’t indicate to me that they are, if nothing else, empathetic and motivated to invest in things that don’t personally and directly benefit themselves while systematically removing power from others. That’s, like, the main thing about billionaires!

I know we can’t expect billionaires to fix all our problems. If they give away all their money, they won’t be billionaires anymore! Why would they work that hard and then, like, NOT have a million million dollars? That would be crazy! Sure, a billion dollars is a lot - for some perspective, a million seconds is 12 days and billion seconds is almost 32 years. Sure, no person on Earth could ever, ever need a billion dollars for anything, but like, what if they did? 

Anyway, this is the kind of big problem that I’m sure they’ll show up to fix. If there’s one thing billionaires like, it’s systemic change that shifts power toward environmental regulations and away from oligarchs and capitalist business interests. That’s their favorite thing to spend their money on! 

In addition to being fires that I think, for some reason, billionaires will be motivated to solve out of the goodness of their coal-black hearts, this situation in the Amazon is exactly like Notre Dame for lots of other reasons. First of all, both of them burned down by accident - the Amazon definitely wasn’t lit on fire on purpose by other super-rich people in an attempt to increase their own power and wealth at the expense of others. Also, they’re both equally important, because every single person and living creature on Earth, now and forever into the future, depends on the health of an old French church to survive. Plus, you can definitely rebuild both of them, because ecosystems are known for being super-easy to put back together.

That’s why I keep telling all my Facebook friends that it’s time for those same billionaires who saved Notre Dame to show up now. I think Jeff Bezos probably saw that I put the meme in a reply to one of his tweets, so I’m sure he’s thinking about it. I think I’ll get a Save the Rainforest shirt to show how much I care, too - Prime has free 2-day shipping on them.